Hanging in

These continue to be strange and sad times for us all. I have read numerous and very beautiful reflections around how we will look back on these days and realise that we were taking so much for granted. Pieces about how much better the world is right now, because we have had to slow down and I truly get them but it’s not easy. These are tough times.

I am getting a bit more used to going to an empty church every morning for Mass and so thankful that I decided on the first Sunday to record Mass with a view to publishing the recording on the Parish website and here on this blog. Well, that’s not quite accurate, because when I recorded it I was not sure I’d do that but decided to after Mass. I am glad I did. Since then I feel something of connecting with people through the celebration of Mass.

I have heard from a number of people that they listen each day, some here in the parish, some in England and even people I don’t know in the United States. One cousin told me that she goes on her “Mass Walk” each evening and listens to the recording of the daily Mass. That means a lot to me and I am happy that I am able to do this.

In more recent days we added a Webcam to the church and, though it is still a temporary set up and not without some issues, there is another opportunity to connect with people. Again, for this I am glad.

All that said, there is no replacement for people in the church – faces familiar and visitors, who become “church” when they are in that one place at the same time. I always love the sound of children in the church, even babies crying and have such respect for some of our more senior parishioners who live the faith in a way as natural as breathing. So to be without these people, these sounds and the prayer of a community is sadder than I could ever have imagined.

Coupled with the sadness is a fear around what will come of church when these days pass. Will people be hesitant to return? Will some choose not to return? Or, will there be a significant movement of people towards faith again? It is such and unknown. But I know enough to know I am worried about this.

I had a funeral in the parish during the week, the first I’ve had since the restrictions were introduced to help stem the spread of COVID-19 or, as they say now, to “flatten the curve”. It was so alien to me, not to have met the family before the Funeral Mass and I felt so sorry for the man’s wife as she stood in the porch of the church. I looked at her, across the coffin, and nodded. She nodded back. That was our only communication, apart from two phonecalls in which she could not have been nicer and more understanding of the situation. I wanted to do more, to be more for her but that just could not happen. Her relations were so good and took on so much responsibility around arranging the liturgy. I was proud of them, though I did not know them very well. I feel so badly for people grieving loved ones these days, when they are letting go of someone vital to their being, and kept at a distance from those who might, in other times, help to bridge the gap that death brings.

I am spending a lot more time on my own and, am not too bad with that, but feel I could make more use of that time. I’d love to become more reflective and maybe read some of the books I felt I could not live without. Maybe even read the Midwest Radio Book – just for the craic – but I don’t think I’ve turned a page in a book. Maybe that’s why I am writing now, just to think a bit and, to be honest that helps. I think I could make use of time to do a bit of a clear-out and tidy-up but thinking does neither! I will get my head around that and make some use of the time.

I’m fearful that people would think I’m not here for them. Like most of the priests I know, I am here and happy to help in any way I can but, like everyone else, our lives have become restricted and there is a fear around that which I so enjoy, meeting people. But, I am here. We are all here for each other.

So, in time, those reflections around our appreciation of the everyday things and people, will make for good reading. Even now, I am totally convinced of their truth, but I wish that things were different and that these days would pass.

I hear experts on the news every evening. Names unknown to us a few weeks ago are now household names and I hear statistics and figures being given, analysed and totalled. I hear advice being given, hand-washing, social distancing and so much more. I see press conferences with people in their shirt sleeves, to reassure us that hard work is being done and I get all that. I wonder though, where or when we will speak of God, in a way that acknowledges His central role in helping us make sense of all that is going on around us.

I don’t believe God takes any delight in the world’s misery at this time but somehow He is still there, in the midst of it all, asking us to notice, to pray and not to lose hope.

I’m hanging in. I hope you are too.