I was telling them at Mass today that I went to bed last night feeling a bit mad with myself – disappointed, I suppose.
I had a Funeral and Wedding yesterday and thought I had arranged cover for Evening Mass in one of the churches but there must have been some mix-up, almost certainly on my side, and nobody turned up for Mass. I got a phone call at the wedding reception. Thankfully a neighbouring priest was able to oblige me and arrived for Mass, a bit late but thankfully people had waited on. I was sorry this happened but that was not the main reason I went to bed feeling a bit less than happy with myself!
At the reception, I said a few words and wanted to acknowledge a brother of the groom. I haven’t met him in possibly thirty years and hadn’t seen him yesterday either but had hoped to meet him. I mentioned him in the few words and realised that he was not in the room at the time so what I had hoped to do got a bit mixed up in my mind.
When I was ordained I was asked by the bishop to teach religion one day a week in a local Vocational School. I realised early enough, most likely even before I started, that teaching was not my greatest talent!! I had never wanted to be a teacher and was very happy to be in a parish (and have always been happy about that). In any case I gave it a go and hoped that being just twenty-four years of age, that my youthfulness would connect me with the students, some of whom were scarcely six years younger than I was at the time and, even the youngest not much more that ten years younger than I. I was wrong!!
I had some lovely times there but often worried about the effectiveness of my classes and my attempts to share the faith with a younger generation. I taught, I think, six classes in the day – from First Years to students taking a Secretarial Course. In hindsight it may well have been too much and my subject matter was quite likely not on the radar of teenagers who were enjoying life and, in many ways, finding themselves. Chances are, so was I but maybe none of us realised that.
Back to my intentions of yesterday. I wanted to remind this young man that I remembered him from those days as someone who showed zero interest in my class and no matter how much I tried to make it interesting, I failed constantly to get him to engage. He was not awkward in any way, just removed from any space I might be occupying at the time. That’s not what made him stand out for me!
In the evenings, when I’d leave the school and glad that the day was over, I’d turn my car for home and this lad would be waiting at the gate for me to give him a lift home. I did. In the car, he’d talk freely to me about his interests (which were many and varied), about his family and about himself. He was a pure delight to be with. The journey would pass quickly and I’d be truly glad of his company. The first few times this happened, I thought we’d made real progress and that he’d be more connected with me in class. Alas!! Same story. The lifts continued, the chats too but no rousing enthusiasm displayed itself in class.
I remember a few times being fed up (not just because of him but maybe with my own failings) and I came out the school gate to see him there and, instead of turning left, which was the homewards direction for us both, I turned right! I wasn’t going anywhere just fed up!! Thankfully that didn’t happen very often but it did happen.
I said all this but I didn’t say what I had most wanted to say. That I regretted those days I turned right and that I am thankful to him for teaching me a lesson that I failed to grasp. He could make a distinction between the teacher in the classroom and the travelling companion in the car. He could be himself with me when, on his own, but maybe felt less free to be so when surrounded by others in a room where to show interest in religion might not be cool or do much for your cred. He was, quite likely much freer in himself than I was. I wanted to thank him for that and to let him know that all these years later I remember him when I’ve forgotten many and, undoubtedly, many have forgotten me.
But I didn’t say that and, only on the way home in the car, did I realise I left unfinished what I wanted to say. I wanted to let him know he made difference in my life and maybe helped me to realise we meet people where they are and accept them too. I had also hoped to mention a priest, sitting at the other end of the wedding table, who had been to me what I tried to be to that lad – a teacher but one who deeply influenced me and, in many ways, put shape on my thoughts around being a priest.
So, thanks Jason and thanks Tommy!
Now it’s said!!
I told them this today at Sunday Masses because this is the Feast Day of The Holy Family and I wanted to remind them (and me) that as family and friends, we should try always not to leave words unfinished but say what needs to be said for the good of the family and the blessing of our friendships.